this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
