I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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