a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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