Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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