i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
