Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
and she was petting her beer can
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
