Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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