This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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