Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
