i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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