Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize