PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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