brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
