I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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