So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
