I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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