She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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