im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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