I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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