perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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