Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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