i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
