Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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