If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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