you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
well you can't waste a boner
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
