Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
His hands were made for my vagina.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
