I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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