Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
