Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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