I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
