I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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