I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
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