How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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