Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
