All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
