Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
