I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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