Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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