I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
