All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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