I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
