do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
