you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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