I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
