I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
