I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
