my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
