I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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