So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Acid is not a monday night drug
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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