Already got asked if we're dating
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
