Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
