This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My dick has a subreddit
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
