You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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