Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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