Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm way too hungover for life right now
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
