Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
